The Jedi are stupid
I was looking for another way to phrase it, but really, there isn’t one. The Jedi are just plain stupid.
Why do they get wet when it rains? If I had the force under wraps like they do, I’d be whooshing those drops away every damn time.
And then there’s this. When the first Star Wars movie opens, we’ve got all kinds of Jedi running around, and no Sith. No manifestation of The Dark Side. All good, no bad. In fact, there hasn’t been Sith “for a millennia,” Yoda says. He paints a picture of the Republic where the Jedis have the upper hand, and have for a long time.
So, with that, I really don’t understand this: “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering. This is the path to the Dark Side.” What the hell is he talking about? With no Sith, there hasn’t been a “Dark Side” for any path to lead to. Jedi — they defy logic on a daily basis — he might as well have said, “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering. This is the path to becoming a Vampire.”.
And with that comes the whole thing with “the Prophecy.” Samuel Jackson, aka Windu (yes, I had to look that up), talked about how there will come one who will restore the balance to the force. Balance, when they live in a little Jedi fantasy land that has no Sith in it. Lots-o-Jedi, and no Sith — yet somehow they think that the Force is out of balance, in favor of all that Dark Side stuff. The Jedi are stupid — all good, no bad, but they think that the prophecy will somehow help out the Jedi. It took me all of about 3 seconds to realize that the force was out of balance and that the little kid was going to tip the scales some against the Jedi. Back into, oh, I don’t know, balance.
And Obi-Wan. He going into the ol’ HAL 9000, looking for the planet Camino. (And he refers to it as being south of this other planet — south. Hello? South of what?) And gosh, it’s not there. The rest of the planets are still circulating around where he thinks it should be, but it’s not showing up in the mainframe system. It takes some 8 year old trainee’s to point out to him that the obvious explanation is that the automated system has been altered, and reference to the planet removed.
Yoda’s response, to the idea that someone (and it has to have been a Jedi) has hacked the HAL9000? Look into it? Launch an investigation? Call SYSAdmin?
Nope. “Meditate on this, I will.”
What a freakin’ idiot.
Oh, and since we’re geeking out to Star Wars stuff, let’s talk about the little green dude. When he dies of natural causes, Yoda is something like 900 years old. That’s at or near the end of Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker’s life. In those late years, he’s an old, fragile little dude, slow to move, feeble. If we assume that Darth Vader was, say, 60 when he died, we can guess that Yoda was 850+ when this whole Star Wars saga started. And back then, Yoda was young, spry, nimble, more than willing to toss aside the cane when a good fight breaks out. What’s up with that? In the last 7% of his life, Yoda completely falls apart — from bouncing around in massive light saber fights, to fumbling around with a cane. That I should hold up so well.
And in the first movie, Anakin is all of about 8, while Queen Hottie-Momma looks to be in her 20’s, at least (old enough to be elected queen). In movie II, we’re told that it’s been ten years. So, Anakin is, what, 18? Maybe 20? She still looks like a sophomore in college — quite the MILF, for being in her late thirties. “I’ve been dying a little bit every day, since you came back into my life” — she’s not in her late 30’s and saying crap like that, that’s for sure, unless all Queens of Naboobies are stupid, too.